The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. - Elie Wiesel.
如果生命只剩下一個月, 你會不會更珍惜每一個日出日落, 更去用心去愛你身邊愛你和你愛的人, 不會再矚目於瑣碎的事上, 而全心全意地去過上帝所喜悅的日子? 這是我最近在讀的一本書想要帶出的一個問題, 書的名字叫做 One Month to Live.
最近在一次偶然的機會裡, 和supervisor Lisa L. 談論到男人和女人的相同與不同. 她指出有心理學家認為如果女人每個月都會因為身體的變化而經歷幾天的情緒變動, 男人也會有同樣情況, 而且比女人來得更加頻密 - 因為是每一天. 樂觀一點來說, 男人的情緒變動週期(frequency)雖然比女人密, 但duration要短好多, 大概維持在15分鐘以內. 在這幾分鐘裡, 他們會進入一個特殊狀態. 比如說表面上他們很認真在讀雜誌報紙, 對身邊別人的說話都沒有回應, 很認真 (intensity). 但其實他們沒有在想甚麼, 只是需要一點時間去度過他們的情緒重組.
上網打開新聞很容易就會發現好多關係破裂的故事. 歸類一下, 大多數問題的起因不在於他們不愛對方, 而是溝通上出現了毛病, 產生了衝突, 不敢去面對. 問題得不到解決, 最後還是影響了兩個人的關係. 用一個正面的方法來去面對衝突, 作者提議,
....sometimes the conflicts gets a little heated and messy, but in our primary relationships we have to have enough courage to stay in the ring until we come to a resolution, no matter how long that takes. If we really love someone, then we must summon the stamina to confront and push through the unpleasant emotions that come with conflict. Those feelings can be so powerful and nasty that we work hard to avoid them. Men typically withdraw when faced with strong emotions because they feel uncomfortable dealing with them. Consequently, some men get out of the combat zone when problems begin to surface because they're committed to avoiding an argument at all costs. Few things are more frustrating to a woman than when her husband dodges a conflicts and goes into his cave where he becomes distant, detached, and aloof....Avoiding conflict at all costs may produce a fragile peace, but it undermines the relationship, keeping it shallow and fear based. Without resolution, the relationship stays at a surface level and never develops the intimacy that comes from working through tough issues.
男人, 還是需要更多的認識自己.
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